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No matter what a man tells a barber, he’s still just getting that one same haircut. 4 days ago
“Your sensei’s reflexes are so bad that his roundhouse requires a monthlong kickstarter campaign” -- good karate burn 5 days ago
Hard to impress ladies with my car now that half of bumper is hanging off and there’s a baby seat in the back and a girlfriend in the front 5 days ago
When I go out in public wearing a button-up shirt inside-out, it's my way of saying, "I start drinking when I wake up." 5 days ago
FYI If Dr. Oz phones in pain-pill script to Walmart pharmacy for 'Sally Badbach,' BF can't pick it up if he gives her DOB as '2013 minus 15' 5 days ago
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